Words From a Grandma’s Heart
When a child is diagnosed with a food allergy, everyone around them has to learn how to keep them safe, and quickly. For grandparents, not only do they need to learn how to care for their grandchild in a new way, they also need to support the child’s parents through the anxiety and life-changes that food allergies bring. This week we are welcoming Mirabel, an aspiring children’s book author, sharing her perspective as the grandmother of a little boy with food allergies.
If only I could bottle-up the excitement of what it’s like to become a grandmother, I’d be walking on air! When the baby arrived, and I first saw such a beautiful little bundle in my daughter’s arms, it reminded me of when I first held her. Many emotions and thoughts welled into my heart and mind. What will become of this little one, I wondered.
Just six months later, life as we’d known it changed forever.
It was the first week of what was supposed to be ‘the weaning adventure’. Instead, I watched my daughter holding a very sick baby, arms hanging limply by his side, as paramedics battled hard to revive him, twice, as the ambulance raced to the nearest hospital. My first grandchild had experienced anaphylactic shock.
I wondered how I could help my daughter keep him safe? He was diagnosed with multiple food allergies such as to milk and eggs, alongside non-food allergies and it felt overwhelming. How would he fare at nursery and school?
I read and re-read the online Government guidelines. I took the initiative and attended a first-aid course. My daughter showed me how to use the adrenaline auto-injector correctly. That said, I believe that there is a great need for more training to be available to parents, family members and carers eg. how to know when to give antihistamines or to inject with the adrenaline.
“Sometimes the answer we are looking for is different to what we think we need.”
A few months before lockdown, I happened to be in Malta and as I passed one of the many beautiful churches, I decided to rest, away from the heat and the hustle and bustle of the market stalls. I sat silently at the back, watching two women lighting a candle. Then I started to pray. Tears were welling behind my glasses and I became unaware of my surroundings. I was pleading with God to take away our child’s allergy and give it to me instead. It was then that I realised someone was sitting next to me. It was an old priest. He smiled gently as I tried to wipe my eyes.
“Hello”, he said.
“Hello Father” I replied.
“You alright?” His voice was gentle.
“Yes, I’m ok. I’m praying for a child.”
He nodded in acknowledgement. Then, he continued to talk as he tapped my left hand: “The Lord hears you, sometimes the answer is a little different to what we ask for or think we need.”
“It’s my daughter’s little boy…” I whispered.
His reply amazed me. “You see, the child has been given guardian angels who love him very much and who will do all they can for him.”
I stared at this old man. “It is you, my dear, and your daughter, you are his help.”
I was silent. He then asked me if I wanted to say a prayer of healing and blessing with him and I did. I felt at peace as I walked out into the bright Mediterranean sun, impervious of the chaos of a Maltese market packing up.
Even to someone who isn’t religious, his advice was poignant. You, the child's grandparent, have it within you to learn what they need. You will be able to guide them. It may take time to learn and understand but it is possible. Have faith that you are exactly who they need.
Finding my Focus
Since then, I’ve learnt to focus on doing constructive things. Sometimes, at school, other children will be served something that looks and smells delicious but my grandson will be served something else. When he asks, we cook a safe version of it for him. This applies mostly to the puddings and pizzas served at school.
My grandson had an allergic reaction to a meal that was normally safe for him whilst in my care. Fortunately, he was okay, however after it happened, I struggled; the worry heavy on my shoulders of whether it could happen again. Recently, a trainee psychologist, gave me a good coping analogy which I hope can help others too.
To help assess the level of danger in a stressful situation think about how you react when your fire-alarm goes off, because you slightly over toasted a slice of bread.
Next consider how you would react if a chip pan was in flames on your gas hob.
Your reactions would be very different because the level of danger is different.
The fire-alarm was the risk for my grandson’s safety. Yet I was feeling the same high levels of anxiety caring for him as if the situation was the worst-case scenario. Instead, whilst the alarm was ringing, I only needed to react with caution. I needed to remind myself we were not in a constant emergency and that we had many tools in place to reduce the risks.
My Advice to Other Grandparents
My role as Grandma is to support my grandchildren’s parents but also to avoid being a ‘backseat driver’. I’ve learned to adjust because today’s society is different to that of when my role-models were my grandparents. It is important to build trust by actively listening to their wishes and to be open and ready to be shown how and when to contribute. This avoids the stress of draining each other out.
I like to tell stories which help me to express myself and I write articles to help raise awareness. I want to be able to help raise funds for more research by supporting the Natasha’s Foundation. I need to do my bit, no matter how small I might consider it to be. But let’s not forget the wise saying that it takes a village to raise a child. This is why we need to involve our community, our country and everybody in allergy awareness and safeguarding.
